Worst Supporting Actress 2008: Mary-Kate Olsen

In a time when everyone is focusing on the “best” accolades, I would like to present an FYC for the Worst Supporting Actress of 2008. This will surprise everyone that knows me, as I am an ardent fan of Full House, but Mary-Kate Olsen gave the worst performance of her career in The Wackness and yes, I have seen New York Minute. This award is deserved 50% because her role was a paucity of substance and 50% because she spent her two scenes doing this:

Somewhere along her misguided career, some agent told her that it would be awesome if she just put on oversized clothes and waved her arms around in a fluid-like motion. Mary-Kate must have taken this advice to heart since her life emulates art or her art is just an extension of her life or perhaps she did not even know she was on a movie set. The girl is a billionaire and her hair looks like it has not been washed since 2004 when her and Ashley got their stars on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Also, I do not think she has learned a new facial expression since 2004.

Mary-Kate on the left with her patented duck face.

Back on topic… supporting actresses have made do with far less in a script than Mary-Kate was given here as a druggie New York vagabond (art imitating life again). Her portrayal of the character Union was one-note, unbelievable, and completely evident that she did not even try to see if there were any layers to her character. Show me that your character has a purpose; show me a reason for her existence. Show me that even though your character is in a constant altered mental status, she is still a human being underneath. In the same movie, Jane Adams was given an equally eccentric role and only marginally more screen time, yet she made me CARE about her. On the other hand, I cannot even remember a single line Mary-Kate delivered and I was PAYING ATTENTION especially for her. As an outsider watching the movie, it is quite possible that the only role for her character was to make out with Ben Kingsley, but as an actress, Mary-Kate needed to step into her character, however small the role. Within the cosmos of The Wackness, there is no way that Union could know that she was fated to tongue wrestle with Dr. Squires, so she has to exist outside of the occurrence of that event, a fact which Mary-Kate Olsen fails to recognize. To make matters worse, in the infamous make-out scene, all I could see was a cross between a tiny troll and a wood nymph climbing all over a great British actor with bad facial hair.

A word of advice to Mary-Kate because I still love her: you are only young in Hollywood once. Choose your roles carefully and do something that is not a shallow one-note “free spirit” character. Pick a character with emotion and real problems to which your audience can relate. Somewhere underneath the baggy sweaters and dark red lipstick, there is still a decent looking girl who could clean up and star in a romantic comedy. If you don’t want to be an actress and want to focus on fashion, start wearing clothes that fit. And for the love of God, start washing your hair!

This post is a part of the Supporting Actress Class of 2008 Blogathon hosted by Stinkylulu.


One response to “Worst Supporting Actress 2008: Mary-Kate Olsen

  1. I need Mary-Kate to put on some weight and look like a human being before she convinces me in any role.

    Girl needs to eat, quicktime.

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