Monthly Archives: March 2009

The Lindsday Lohan Filmography, Part I

The Lindsay Lohan Filmography

Now that Lohan’s film career has come to a screeching halt and she is contemplating full-time modeling, it seems like a good time to examine her filmography. Counting down from my least favorite to the best:


13. Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen (2004)

This high school melodrama was painful to watch, mostly because of the aural atrocities imposed throughout. Also, the costuming was all sorts of ridiculous. I am not sure if anyone wears day-glo orange, nor should they. Honestly, I don’t even remember the plot, but it seemed like it was trying to be a rehash of Clueless, except without any of the wit.

12. Just My Luck (2006)

This was Lohan’s first “grown-up” film where we were supposed to believe she could hold down a job. She cannot. Perhaps her level of immaturity in real life transcended onto screen, because the entire time I could not figure out why this child was running around New York by herself. In fact, this movie was even worse than New York Minute in which the Olsen Twins also ran around New York on their own. However, in that film, the girls acted their age for the most part and their hi-jinks were age appropriate whereas Lohan was horribly miscast in this movie as a career professional at the ripe old age of 20. I, however, am very eager to see what Kristen Bell does with When In Rome, yet another movie involving magic, luck and romantic entanglements.

11. Chapter 27 (2007)

Neither Lohan nor Leto could save this film. Admittedly, Lohan played her role as an innocent Lennon fan that becomes increasingly freaked out by Leto’s Lennon stalker perfectly. However, she was in the film for a maximum of five minutes. The rest of this arduous film was filled with Leto rambling to himself and battling some inner demon speaking to him. The character of Mark David Chapman must be fascinating, I am sure, but inner psychopathology never translates well to screen. All the good psychiatric conditions portrayed on film have had some outward manifestation such as John Nash’s writings on the wall and imaginary friends or crazy in the form of Angelina Jolie in Girl, Interrupted. In fact, in Girl, Interrupted, Jolie’s flashy role is the only one anyone can understand and Winona Ryder’s borderline condition seems quite innocuous in comparison. This is not to say that Chapman’s brand of schizophrenia or Ryder’s borderline personality disorder are any less important than the other conditions; they are just not suitable film. Thus, it is not that Lohan or Leto were particularly bad in this film; they were just in a film that never should have been made.

Part II